Is There “Good” in Grief?

by Jen Gluckow

Im not sure how you get over the loss of someone close to you. Its not something they teach you in school. And, its not something I ever prepared for. I dont think anyone really is.

On August 10, 2017, I lost my grandma. My best, closest, and oldest friend.

While I have had to overcome life obstacles, and disappointments – nos or not right now, that I experienced in business, I have never had to overcome a loss like this.

A couple of years ago, I lost someone in my family who I was close to, and while I was deeply saddened and heartbroken, my immediate thought was, Thank goodness it wasnt my grandma because I dont know what I would do without her.

And then it happened. My 90-year old grandma got sick, was hospitalized, and within a week passed away.

A year or so ago, I wrote an article about her and some of her many lessons she taught me. I revised it recently and you can read it here.

Make a list of the good things in your life that others have helped you achieve
and show your gratitude. #dontwait #JeninaNYminute

I was lucky to be able to tell her about the impact she had on me, and to write to her with gratitude while she was in good health. She showed my article to her friends, her neighbors, her health practitioners, her hair lady, her masseuse, her dry cleaners anyone and everyone who would listen. She showed it with pride. She was kvelling, (bursting with joy and pride) as she would say!

GRANDMA LESSON: ALWAYS tell the people you love how much you love them. Dont just say, I love you. Write them a letter and make your statement more memorialized. Tell them how they have impacted you. Show your gratefulness and gratitude. Dont wait until they get older or sick or until its too late.

As cheesy and cliche as this sounds, I promise, youll be glad you did, and so will the person you recognize.

Looking back at my life experiences, grief and suffering the loss of a close loved one, is the hardest. Its permanent. Its forever. And from that day forward, life is never the same.

As I process my grief, here are some of the questions I have thought about over the past few weeks:
How do I wake up happy without that pain full of loss in my gut?
Oh, good grief!
How do I maintain a positive attitude when thoughts linger about my loss?
Oh, good grief!
Should I feel guilty when I laugh because I have a moment of happiness,and Im not feeling the pain, the suffering?Oh, good grief!
How can I have a normal conversation with people when I am hurting so deeply inside?
Oh, good grief!
How can I celebrate my best friends wedding and dance like normal with this pain?
Oh, good grief!
Can I call her right now?
Oh, good grief!
What would I say if I could talk to her again?
Oh, good grief!
Why did it happen so fast?
Oh, good grief!
Faced with mortality what should I do differently?
Oh, good grief!
What do I need to do to accomplish what I want to accomplish in my lifetime?
Oh, good grief!
Google says there are 4, no 5, no 7 stages of grief. I have no clue which expert is correct, but which stage am I on?Oh, good grief!
When does this feeling of longing, this void in my life go away?
Oh, good grief!
How can I fill the void?
Oh, good grief!
How can I impact others the way my grandma impacted me?
Oh, good grief!
What traditions can I carry on to maintain her legacy?
Oh, good grief!
How do I inspire myself again?
Oh, good grief!
How do I move on, be the best I can be for myself first so I can be my best for others?
Oh, good grief!

Oh good grief! A term used to express surprise or annoyance, people forget the keyword in that phrase GOOD!

I am determined to focus on the good of the grief
The good times we had.
The good attributes she had.
The good friends she had.
The good memories I have talking to her every day.
The good people she brought into in my life.
The good things she inspired me to accomplish.
The good things I have yet to accomplish.
The good lessons I learned from her that will not only stay with me forever, but lessons that will be a constant reminder of her positive impact on my life and her legacy.

While I still miss her every day, it gets a little bit easier as time passes. I dont think there will ever be a day where I dont think of my grandma, but I do know that I am determined to make her kvell from her grave or in heaven or wherever she is determined to make her proud of who I am becoming each day and determined to focus on the good, just like she would have.

Good grief has made me focus on the good. You? Whether youre suffering a loss right now, or not, how focused are you on the good?

Heres what to do: Make a list of the good things in your life that others have helped you achieve or taught you, and review the list every day for the next month.

Start your day by reading your list. Like me, you will want to add to it as time passes. Keep track of the good and if necessary, the good grief. Gentle reminders of gratitude and gratefulness to help you (and me) to gather strength day-by-day, until the grief fades, and only the good remains.

Thank you grandma rest your soul.